Andrew’s Story: Post-Partum Visit & Autopsy Results

Today was my post-partum visit with the OB. I had some mixed emotions going into the appointment, especially since the last time I was in that office was when we found out the terrible news about our little Andrew. When I sat in the waiting room to be called back, I was sort of in a daze. There were at least 3 women who looked to be very far along in their pregnancies, and part of me really wished I could go back to that point and do everything again….as if the outcome would be different. I just have to keep reminding myself that our God is sovereign.

I was finally called back and the nurse got me settled in the exam room. When I sat down I realized that this was the exact room where they had me the day that we couldn’t find Andrew’s heartbeat. I was a little shocked that they put me in that room, but almost had to laugh. Clearly, they hadn’t realized what they had done, so I couldn’t be upset. I think someone eventually realized what they had done, because the nurse eventually came back and told me that my OB wanted to talk to me in the larger exam room. I looked at Kevin and chuckled after she left.

So, we finally got to see my OB. She reviewed the autopsy results with us and the pathologist gave no definitive cause of death, however, they suspect it was an umbilical cord accident. This was our suspicion all along since we had no life-threatening complications during the pregnancy and the cord was wrapped around Andrew’s neck and leg when he was stillborn.

The autopsy confirmed that his right kidney did have pockets of fluid {like the specialist had told us all along} but that the left kidney was normal. They also found that Andrew’s right testicle had not developed properly, so there may have been more to the kidney issue but we’re not sure yet. At this point, the only other results we’re waiting on are Andrew’s chromosomal results. This will tell us whether there were any chromosomal abnormalities. We’re hoping that there wasn’t, as abnormalities would mean genetic testing for Kevin and I. I really hope we don’t have to go down that road.

We also discussed future pregnancies. She was very positive and sees absolutely no reason why we wouldn’t be able to deliver a happy and healthy baby in the future, although she recommended we wait 3-4 months before trying again in order to give my body plenty of time to recover.

During a future pregnancy, I would be monitored by both my OB and a high risk OB during the entire pregnancy. I already have a relationship with the high risk OB since he monitored me during the second half of my pregnancy once Andrew’s kidney issue was detected. She also said that they would want to induce me as soon as our next baby’s lungs were developed. I would probably not go all the way to 40 weeks {which is fine by me}. I honestly have no desire to see 39 weeks again if I can help it. As far as my health goes, everything looks good and I’m okay to resume all normal activities.

I left the office with such mixed emotions. I was so sad that we had spent the past 30-45 minutes discussing my son’s death….the death of a precious 8 lb., 21 inch infant who never got to experience life on this earth outside of my womb. But at the same time, I left that office feeling so hopeful for the future. I believe in my heart of hearts that Andrew will have siblings one day and that God will give us the desires of our heart. I’d like to ask for your prayers as we daily put our trust in Him for the future of our family.

Lately, I’ve been really touched by some great music. If you have never heard Natalie Grant’s Held, you should take some time and listen to it.  After a great day yesterday, I was struck with a lot of sadness last night and this song really ministered to me in the midst of my sobbing. I’d encourage you to take some time and look up the lyrics as well.

This song is a reminder that God doesn’t promise any specific promise of deliverance on the earth. Sometimes it seems like God has abandoned us and allows us to experience terrible loss when he could and should intervene. This is when we have to remember what we KNOW about God – He is good, He is all powerful, He created us, and He loved us enough to send his Son to die in our place as the payment for our sin. He redeemed us and promised us an eternity with him, if we believe in Christ.

He didn’t promise us heaven on earth, but promised a new heaven and earth. When the worst happens, and our hearts are torn with grief and sorrow, we have to remember that He hasn’t promised us a life without heartache, but he has promised to be there. This pain is bearable knowing that someday He will wipe away all my tears and we will experience pure joy without the presence of evil and death. Until that day, God’s arms are enough.