When thinking about the title for today’s post, I had originally thought “It would have been a boy.” But then I had to tell myself that just because another of our little babies didn’t get to see life outside of my womb, doesn’t mean it would have been anything. It already is…just not on this side of heaven. Even my thinking gets skewed on the issue at times and really confirms that our culture has no idea of how to process pregnancy loss. I’ll be the first to admit, it’s complicated sometimes. 🙂
Anyway, I got a call from my doctor today and she surprised me with the results of the chromosomal testing on our little one that we miscarried a few weeks ago. I had asked for testing out of curiosity, but we had ultimately decided against it once since many insurance companies do not cover it and it can be very expensive and sometimes not conclusive {as was our experience with Andrew’s chromosomal testing}.
But, despite my doctor’s office calling to have the testing cancelled, they must have gone ahead with it anyway. I’m sort of glad it worked out that way and I think God certainly had a hand in it. They were able to determine that our little baby had Trisomy 15. I haven’t had a chance to do much research on it for myself, but my doctor explained that it was one of the more rare Trisomies and these babies are typically miscarried in the first trimester, just as was the case with us.
Not only that, we found out that our second baby in heaven is also a BOY. I am thankful that we are able to know that it was a he. It does bring a smile to my face envisioning Andrew and his youngest brother in heaven together. {We’ll be there soon…..}
Having this information doesn’t change much – we are still wish that we could have met this little boy in May – but it does provide a little more closure. The Lord has given me a great peace about this loss so I would have been okay without these results, but I still enjoy having a little more understanding of what exactly caused it. I realize that many people who miscarry are not given these sorts of answers, so I am thankful.
I’ve wondered whether we should name this little one, but haven’t discussed it much with Kev yet. Our experience has been so different this time around and I’m still trying to figure out how to navigate this road of being mom to 4 babies, with 2 now in heaven. We had already named Andrew by 38 weeks, but we hadn’t even thought about names at 8 weeks. Perhaps naming this little boy would signify that he is just as much a part of our family as Andrew and the rest of our children, although we had such little time with him.
There’s just something about a name…
Update: And could I also ask any of you prayer warriors to pray for a few friends of mine who have recently experienced losses? I know they must be hurting and they would appreciate the prayer. Thanks friends!
